True Freedom begins with Ultimate Dependence...
"The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just." (CCC 1733)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Love and do what you will
A common conversation I stumble upon amid young women of faith is this: "How far is too far?" Or, in other words, "Where is the line that I shouldn't cross when it comes to physical intimacy in a romantic relations?"
A question I know I've asked myself, though in most cases only as a hypothetical. When it really mattered, I was unprepared.
So the title of this post refers to a quote by St. Augustine...one often misused in these sort of exercises. If we are in love, why should we wait? Since love is perhaps the single-most over-used word in the English language, let's dig deeper. What did Augustine mean by "Love" -- since it is the first part of his famous condition.
Take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Another approach would be to turn around our initial question. Instead of basing the physical intimacy on what you won't do or how far you won't go, how about thinking on what you really want, need, desire for the entire relationship. Take an honest inventory about what you are looking for from your boyfriend (or if you're a guy, your girlfriend). But don't limit yourself to questions on physical intimacy -- in fact, don't even start there. Why are you in the relationship to begin with? Is this really a person that you might one day marry? What activities do you love and would like to share with your boyfriend? Will you make time to pray together? To study together? To share experiences, feelings, fears, desires? What will you do together fun? What role does the physical relationship need to play and when? How important is that component in comparison to everything else?
Once you've really taken time to think on these things, then pray and consider the right time to share them with your boyfriend or even the guy you've dated a couple of times and would like to start a more serious relationship with.
If you are called to the married life, then these questions are essential. Not only will you become more prepared for that relationship, but you will learn about yourself -- about your wants, needs and desires -- and what God wants for you. Having some idea about all of these things before you get to the crisis moment -- did I just go farther than I really wanted to? -- is something you will never regret.
God loves you.
A question I know I've asked myself, though in most cases only as a hypothetical. When it really mattered, I was unprepared.
So the title of this post refers to a quote by St. Augustine...one often misused in these sort of exercises. If we are in love, why should we wait? Since love is perhaps the single-most over-used word in the English language, let's dig deeper. What did Augustine mean by "Love" -- since it is the first part of his famous condition.
Take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails.
In terms of Christian charity, we should be able to replace our name with the word love in the above passage. Then, perhaps we can "do what we will". From another perspective, we know that love between a man and a woman is an image or reflection of the love that Christ had for the Church and He poured Himself out for her on the Cross. So the extent that the love in question mimics these two perfect states of love, then we may be free to follow Augustine's advice. Because once love is true, everything is ordered to the benefit of those loved -- everything is ordered to God first. Everything falls into place. Another approach would be to turn around our initial question. Instead of basing the physical intimacy on what you won't do or how far you won't go, how about thinking on what you really want, need, desire for the entire relationship. Take an honest inventory about what you are looking for from your boyfriend (or if you're a guy, your girlfriend). But don't limit yourself to questions on physical intimacy -- in fact, don't even start there. Why are you in the relationship to begin with? Is this really a person that you might one day marry? What activities do you love and would like to share with your boyfriend? Will you make time to pray together? To study together? To share experiences, feelings, fears, desires? What will you do together fun? What role does the physical relationship need to play and when? How important is that component in comparison to everything else?
Once you've really taken time to think on these things, then pray and consider the right time to share them with your boyfriend or even the guy you've dated a couple of times and would like to start a more serious relationship with.
If you are called to the married life, then these questions are essential. Not only will you become more prepared for that relationship, but you will learn about yourself -- about your wants, needs and desires -- and what God wants for you. Having some idea about all of these things before you get to the crisis moment -- did I just go farther than I really wanted to? -- is something you will never regret.
God loves you.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Really tired toddler on the metro
This title could clearly indicate a recipe for disaster on the evening metro ride home, but nothing could be further from the truth.
I love seeing little ones on the metro. Usually they are SOOOO excited to be on a moving vehicle that little giggles & shrieks just fill the air. Not everyone shares my enlightened views on this subject, but usually the iphones are blaring so loud, that those of a different opinion probably couldn't hear anything anyway...but I digress!
So when I got on the metro after a quick stop at the local Giant, there was a mom with her 2 year old son. He was clearly not having a good time. After about 5 minutes of watching her attempt to calm him and get him interested in anything that would quiet him down, I went over & tried to talk to the little boy...I wanted to try & be a distraction and they were Spanish...I love speaking Spanish cuando tengo una opportunidad, por supuesto!
I struck out completely. The little kid was not impressed -- not even a little! The mom, however, was at least grateful for my efforts and told me that her son was just overtired. After my defeat, the woman across the aisle offered a little smurf figurine to try & calm the little boy. That was also unsuccessful! Then finally, the wisest woman on the metro car came up and she was prepared. She had BUBBLES!
It was magical...the bubbles worked almost instantly in calming this little boy down. We were about 3 minutes from the stop where most of us got off the train. As the bubbles were floating around the metro, the giggles and the smiles came from not just the toddler, but from all of us in the car. It was one of those few fleeting moments where communities are formed...all in the effort to help this mom calm her little son.
The feelings of good will really warmed my heart as I hope they did for all on our metro ride home tonight. When there are so many stories popping up in local news outlets across the country about restaurants and stores having "child free" hours, it was a nice contrast to see how human hearts really don't like to witness suffering or discomfort -- so much so that they go out of their way to alleviate the pain.
Just a little hope in a little story of joy about strangers on a metro and the calming power of Bubbles :)
I love seeing little ones on the metro. Usually they are SOOOO excited to be on a moving vehicle that little giggles & shrieks just fill the air. Not everyone shares my enlightened views on this subject, but usually the iphones are blaring so loud, that those of a different opinion probably couldn't hear anything anyway...but I digress!
So when I got on the metro after a quick stop at the local Giant, there was a mom with her 2 year old son. He was clearly not having a good time. After about 5 minutes of watching her attempt to calm him and get him interested in anything that would quiet him down, I went over & tried to talk to the little boy...I wanted to try & be a distraction and they were Spanish...I love speaking Spanish cuando tengo una opportunidad, por supuesto!
I struck out completely. The little kid was not impressed -- not even a little! The mom, however, was at least grateful for my efforts and told me that her son was just overtired. After my defeat, the woman across the aisle offered a little smurf figurine to try & calm the little boy. That was also unsuccessful! Then finally, the wisest woman on the metro car came up and she was prepared. She had BUBBLES!
It was magical...the bubbles worked almost instantly in calming this little boy down. We were about 3 minutes from the stop where most of us got off the train. As the bubbles were floating around the metro, the giggles and the smiles came from not just the toddler, but from all of us in the car. It was one of those few fleeting moments where communities are formed...all in the effort to help this mom calm her little son.
The feelings of good will really warmed my heart as I hope they did for all on our metro ride home tonight. When there are so many stories popping up in local news outlets across the country about restaurants and stores having "child free" hours, it was a nice contrast to see how human hearts really don't like to witness suffering or discomfort -- so much so that they go out of their way to alleviate the pain.
Just a little hope in a little story of joy about strangers on a metro and the calming power of Bubbles :)
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