Love and do what you will

A common conversation I stumble upon amid young women of faith is this: "How far is too far?" Or, in other words, "Where is the line that I shouldn't cross when it comes to physical intimacy in a romantic relations?"


A question I know I've asked myself, though in most cases only as a hypothetical. When it really mattered, I was unprepared.


So the title of this post refers to a quote by St. Augustine...one often misused in these sort of exercises. If we are in love, why should we wait? Since love is perhaps the single-most over-used word in the English language, let's dig deeper. What did Augustine mean by "Love" -- since it is the first part of his famous condition.


Take 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails.

In terms of Christian charity, we should be able to replace our name with the word love in the above passage. Then, perhaps we can "do what we will". From another perspective, we know that love between a man and a woman is an image or reflection of the love that Christ had for the Church and He poured Himself out for her on the Cross. So the extent that the love in question mimics these two perfect states of love, then we may be free to follow Augustine's advice. Because once love is true, everything is ordered to the benefit of those loved -- everything is ordered to God first. Everything falls into place. 


Another approach would be to turn around our initial question. Instead of basing the physical intimacy on what you won't do or how far you won't go, how about thinking on what you really want, need, desire for the entire relationship. Take an honest inventory about what you are looking for from your boyfriend (or if you're a guy, your girlfriend). But don't limit yourself to questions on physical intimacy -- in fact, don't even start there. Why are you in the relationship to begin with? Is this really a person that you might one day marry? What activities do you love and would like to share with your boyfriend? Will you make time to pray together? To study together? To share experiences, feelings, fears, desires? What will you do together fun? What role does the physical relationship need to play and when? How important is that component in comparison to everything else? 


Once you've really taken time to think on these things, then pray and consider the right time to share them with your boyfriend or even the guy you've dated a couple of times and would like to start a more serious relationship with. 


If you are called to the married life, then these questions are essential. Not only will you become more prepared for that relationship, but you will learn about yourself -- about your wants, needs and desires -- and what God wants for you. Having some idea about all of these things before you get to the crisis moment -- did I just go farther than I really wanted to? -- is something you will never regret.


God loves you.